I Will Wait......for real this time!!

Part of my journey has always been this issue of needing attention. I was an only child until I was 16. . The first grandchild of 3/4 of my grandparents. My father's only biological child. The child that my mother raised alone.

"I will wait for you" by Official P4CM Poet JANETTE...IKZ

ACT YOUR AGE

About 18 days ago I turned 26. And since that day I have been going around stating that my life has changed. I am relieving myself of my filter and I am living life on my own terms. I decided to do all of this because, as I keep saying, I am now closer to 30 than I am to 20. Everybody in my life, and I do mean everybody has been telling me to calm down. That I am not old yet, and that i really am not getting old. I don't need to find a husband right now. I don't need to be in my forever career. I don't need to start a family. I don't need to be driving my dream car (Range Rover). I just need to be. That I can still live life on my terms but that it is not necessarily almost over. The problem is that i didn't believe them. Part of the issue is that half of the people my age are married with multiple kids at this point. Or they're at least engaged.......the problem is I was being quite the pessimist about it.....Because the truth is that the other half is still just as lost as I am..... These are the ones still in school, for whatever. Still getting drunk every weekend, just now its to drown out the mundane work week and pile of bills. Still as confused about relationships as they were in high school; and for some, middle school. This is the group that I am a proud (now) member. But honestly I've finally come to the place where I know that this is okay. I can smile about living alone, and not having a real romantic prospect, and not having a bun in the oven, or a kid on my hip. Don't get me wrong I still want love, a marriage, children, the dream house, the dream car, the dog, the works. But I understand that there is a time and a place for everything......But I've come to completely accept that "God would never withhold any good thing from you. So if you don't have it the reason is He loves you." And honestly I just came to this calm about 20 minutes ago lol I just read this amazing blog on elitedailt.com. The writer talked about how women in their 20somethings are acting like women in their 30 somethings. I read it and finally the light bulb came on. I am not old and wrinkled. I don't have to be a wife or a mom right now. It's okay to still be a little confused about some things. I have decided that I am going to just sit back and allow God to do His thing from here on out. Fighting it and being upset about is just making it hard If you're struggling with the same thing I am, I highly suggest the article: http://elitedaily.com/women/20-something-women-need-stop-thinking-like-30-something-women/634789/

I'M GETTING FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's scary just how true the title is and how at peace with it I am. For almost, maybe just over, three years I have been an upstanding part of society. I have been an employee of a great company. It has been an interesting ride. I've learned so much about myself, about the corporate world, about so much. But two years ago I moved to Pottstown. And, for that time I have been traveling over 45 minutes, each way. I have been doing it pretty happily. In November of 2012 I got in a pretty serious car accident. It sort of tore up my back. But I continued to travel. Things at work changed. The once friendly, family like, stress free atmosphere has turned scary, hostile, so business like that it is terrifying. Not to mention that I dread waking up in the morning to go in. I am in the most dire financial state I've ever been in my life and yet the title of this still excites me. I just want to be home. Not so much home doing nothing. But here in Pottstown. There are somethings in ministry that I need to truly get focused on. There are some things about me that I need to truly focus on. Don't get me wrong, I'm not planning on not working -- I'm putting in applications and making myself available --but I am planning on not being miserable. God never called me to hate life. Christ came that I might have life and have it more abundantly; and I intend to. There are so many things that are hindering me right now, and all of them are in my head. Neatly packed away to veer their ugly heads just when I think I can make it through; just when silence and rest find me. But this is the first "negative" that's hit me that has made me smile. I woke up with purpose today. I woke up happy. Now, I have to be honest, I haven't actually been fired yet; but circumstances have caused me to no longer be able to get to work. No car recently, so no way to travel the two highways that it takes to get to work. That's all for now, I can make things clearer when there is something more to do.....